Family Photo Tips: five bribe-free ideas for taking family photos

Honest truth? Most parents I speak with for the first time kind of dread family photos.

Planning outfits.

Worrying about weather.

Stressing about looking good.

But more than anything… there is so much concern about how their kids are going to behave.

Parents worry that their kids are going to turn in to tiny toddler maniacs or teenage mood machines and just totally ruin everything. (I’m here to validate you, it’s a legit concern.) They worry that their investment won’t be worth it, and they’re kind of disappointed before they’ve even booked a session. So let’s calm it all down.

After many years of working with families that I’m photographing for the first time, I’ve figured out some ways to help a session go smoothly, and to reduce the need for parents to jump in with “just hold still and give one more smile if you want to get ice cream”, or “you need to cooperate if you want to go for donuts”. Because that’s no fun for the kid OR the parent(s). Or the photographer.

Now don’t get me wrong, when I’m trying to grab a specific photo at the end of a session I may make lollipop promises and remind them that we’re wrapping up, or I may let them press the buttons on my camera and take a picture (if I can take theirs next!), but when you start a session with a kid’s only thought of getting through it as quickly as possible to get to the prize, we’re essentially setting up for fake smiles and disaster.

Ideally I want your photo session to feel like your family was just hanging out with me for an hour or so (and I just happened to have my camera with me). I want you to get to just be you, and to do your thing.

So, here are a few of my tips for helping a photo session go smoothly…

#1. Set it up as fun.

Make family photos a fun day. Instead of telling your kids that they have to do this thing for you, and they need to listen, and they must be on their best behavior… turn those in to “get to”s. Talk about it as hanging out, not as a favor or request for best behavior. “Hey, tomorrow we get to go to a new park and play. There’s a bridge and a really cool tree and a riverbed to explore. I’m excited to check it out.” Focus on positive messages to help them get on board.

That said, unless they’re very young you’ll likely need to tell them at some point that you’re getting family photos done or they’ll wonder why a crazy lady is following them with a camera. So…

#2. Tell them about me.

I always encourage my clients to show their kids a picture of me (find the about or contact page on your photographer’s website). “Introduce” them to me so that I’m not a total stranger. Tell little kids what a photographer is. Tell them they can call me Erin or Miss Erin, or however you do. Tell them I have three crazy kids, that we love exploring, and that I tell silly jokes. Tell them that I know all of the Paw Patrol characters, and that I love to play with Legos, and that I’ll play their favorite song to dance to if they ask. Tell them that you’ll be hanging out with me and we’ll have a lot of fun together.

I look forward to hugs and high fives with returning families, and the kids get excited to show me their new room or new toy, or they remember that I kicked the soccer ball with them. That all sets us up for success next time, too.

#3. Let them choose their outfit.

I realize this one is controversial. I get it. You may have visions of what everyone will be wearing, and it may kill you inside to let this one go. So here’s what I suggest if you’ve got a strong-willed kiddo and you’re not ready to hand over the reigns completely to a Spiderman outfit (thought that’s super fun)…

Pick a few possible outfits or even components of outfits that they can choose from. Lay them out and let them choose. Maybe it’s three different dresses, or maybe it’s just the choice of which leggings or shoes or accessories they’re going to wear… you’re still giving them choice, and that, in my experience, helps reduce whining. Another route you can go is picking out an outfit together, but letting them know that for the last photos they get to add their superhero cape or change into their favorite tee shirt.

If it’s an older kid or a particularly fashion-sensed one, maybe look through their closet together, or reverse it and ask them for a few choices for you to pick from. Or take them shopping. I’m never a proponent of all-new-clothing sessions, I think you have something in your closet that will be just great, but maybe picking out a new piece just for this special day will make them feel more invested.

On a clothing note: please put comfort high on your list for everyone. Nothing shows up more in a photo than a kid that hates what they are wearing, constantly yanking on new or stiff or itchy clothing. And I get it, don’t you? That’s the worst.

#4. Keep it playful.

I’ve said it a million times… I have zero expectations for your kids to be anything other than kids. As a parent myself, and having been on the other side of the camera many times, I know how hard it is when you feel like your kids have been taken over by crazy aliens during a photo session. Why are they on their worst behavior RIGHT NOW?

But think about this: the more relaxed you can be, the more you can focus on having fun together, the better those photos will turn out. For one hour or so, let it go. Kids being crazy usually turns in to silly, beautiful photos. Kids sulking makes for the best photos that I promise you’ll cherish later. Parents looking angry or with a constant grump-face… well, that doesn’t translate so well in to fun memories for your wall. Kids moods change so quickly. Don’t worry about a little feistiness, it makes it’s way to smiles and fun eventually. Leave the kid wrangling to your photographer… it’s our job to let you know when we need you to step in.

That said… if you have a kid who you feel works best when getting attention in a different way, that’s helpful to know. Telling me about their attachment to Dad, extreme shyness, a recent ADHD diagnosis, teen acne that is causing embarrassment, or limited mobility is really helpful for me in navigating how to best interact with them. That’s why we photographers have questionnaires and phone calls… please keep us in the loop about anything you think we need to know.

#5. Go with the flow.

Manage expectations. Easier said than done, but if you have too many grand visions of perfection, you’re bound to be disappointed. Pinterest boards are lovely, but they should be for inspiration, not replication.

I ask clients to share basic ideas of what types of photos they’d love to have (a few of the kids playing together, photos of us reading our favorite book in their bed, kids running through the sprinkler, etc). Hearing your hopes for the session is so helpful for capturing the right moments and creating a gallery that you’ll love. But keep it open to adjustment. Things happen - kids run the other direction, fall and get a scraped knee mid-session, get pulled in to watching construction vehicles near the park we’re shooting at - and it works best if you are prepared to roll with it.

The more we can just flow with what kids are naturally doing, the better. I’m focused on their wonder and your connection more than the background, anyway.